little madhouse
on the prairie




szymanski
Madpole



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This story, in accordance with "short story competition" rules and regulations, is originally fictional. It was not written, but fragments of human consciousness and mind's overwhelming vomit were gathered from the streets of Bournemouth (UK) and put together, for your personal perusal. It is perhaps unfortunate that names like "Isolani", "Eadon" or "MadPole" feature here. But that was intentional, those are not the names of real people, and their quotations are fictional. The only way to make "fiction" functionally fictional is by making reality fully real, I discovered, while going through very painful motions of writing this story which is not story at all. All pictures are copyright of moton who kindly and generously gave me the right to copy them.

Little Madhouse on the Prairie
Path VII: 'The ICC Prophecy'
 


 It was an abandoned house on the outskirts of town and it was located at the very edge of the Green Belt.  The Green Belt was an idea invented by clever humans, and like most human ideas, it had very little practical value.  It was supposed to stop the joyously merry, dancing and singing suburban conglomeration from spilling over onto the green prairie.  It was supposed to be lungs of the city.  It was probably  intended to persuade any wild animal, which had happened to have  ventured that far, that it should perhaps re-examine its natural instincts and sense of direction.  It was filled with stress, suffering and discarded human emotions.  It was littered with quiet leftovers of rock-n-roll, McDonald's wrappers and abandoned condoms.  No animal, however dumb, would have ever  voluntarily strayed here, save for the creatures disorientated by a serious bout of rabies.  The grey sky was filled with smoke from the nearby factories, and even Eadon could not have convinced me that it was anything but an illusion.
 
artist: moton 1
It was an abandoned house...



For it was Eadon, my spiritual Guru, who was the very reason for my bodily formation occupying this particularly unpleasant co-ordinates of space-time continuum.   He had  told me about this new spiritual movement, this new Church without branches, on  several occasions over the years. He had mentioned a lot of rooms swarming with all kinds of people; they would often spontaneously, and unknowingly, hum, exhale and violently worship their gods and goddesses

The idea was crazy enough for my liking.  But how many spiritual movements can one follow in one's somehow limited life span?  How many re-births can one safely afford without ending up in a  mental hospital? Chatting to Angels, embracing one's inner child, repairing one's aura and unblocking one's chakras is all very well, but only after one has found  a practical implementation of Time Relativity Theory. Sadly, I had not. Consequently, I was busy, far too busy, with my "very own, little, private way"; busy training my stupid mind to be wide open.. 
 
artist: moton 2
For it was Eadon, my spiritual Guru..



It is easy to be open-minded when one sets one's own path and defines one's own surroundings.  Eadon had  never pressured me, he had  never insisted that I should join and experience this particular gathering of human souls.  But he did plant the seed in my head and was attending to it with the care and love of a discriminate gardener.  "You should open the ventricles of your heart" he told me once, without referring to anything in particular.  "God created time and all matter and all space" he mentioned on another occasion, and his implication seemed to me that by following my own path I had been  missing  all of  the challenges and godly opportunities offered to me elsewhere.

Then one day he visited me, a sniggering smile upon his face, his hands resting casually in the dark corners of his pockets. ?I am going to give you a teaching? he said, nearly choking to death with laughter. ?Got any beers??
He was studying a piece of paper when I returned with a cold can of Stella lager, which I had miraculously found in the fridge,buried in a pile of rotten vegetables.
"What can you see?" he asked me, exchanging the piece of paper for the lager.  It read: 
'ICC'
"This is a spiritual teaching, right?" Prudently, I was not  prepared to commit myself to the investment of any of my mental efforts without first  assessing the potential profitability, and, indeed even of the rationality of anything that Eadon held in his hand.
Right!" he chuckled, spitting some of the beer onto  my newly washed tablecloth.
"Well... I see 3 letters, which probably represent some Holy Trinity or another, the 2 Cs are in an imbalance with the  single "I", which probably represents "I" - that is me or Ego in general, and the double C suggests a  power struggle, or duality of life.  One of the Cs probably stands for 'Christ' or 'Cosmic'... I mean I could go on and on...."
"Wrong!" he was rolling on the floor laughing.  "You see it - for you told me already what the answer to this puzzle is" he added when he had once again regained his composure ."Yet, you don't know it yourself! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" and  he burst into maniacal laughter again.
 

"I give up", I said hastily for I already knew that Eadon was a  high-risk venture, which had so often generated losses of exponential proportions in regard to any amount of mental effort invested. into it.  I had never forgiven him for trying to convince me that the sky is red, and  that only my ignorance and arrogance prevented me from seeing it as such.  Not only did he fail miserably in that particular quest of his - I had no interest in red skies and did not wish to see one, but annoyingly enough, I had never been able to get the idea out of my head ever since.
"Oh come on! Look! Look!  Don't allow your dumb, stupid brain to speculate!  Tell me what You see, not what You think!" he shouted encouragingly.
"Damn!" I thought "Too damn late! Let's try to get out of this as gently and quickly as I can..."
"I see letters I, C, C, what about them?" I tried to force him to get to the point.
"You still don't get it, do you?  You thought you could read but I am just about to prove you wrong!" he stopped giggling and became dead serious. "Give me this piece of paper back!" He appeared to be angry.
Relieved, I submitted to his request  He scribbled something on it and gave it back to me: "Read it again!"
It read:
'I see C'
"I see..." I muttered "but...."
"There! There!" he cried, performed his  little dancing ritual, and was gone.
 
Gandalf once said that although the seeds of trees sprout rarely, they carry life in them for years if not centuries; one cannot tell when they will suddenly decide to manifest themselves more visibly.  The seed planted in my mind by Eadon was obviously of no tree kind; or if it was, it must have been subjected to some heavy genetic modifications, where BSE hormones were most likely involved.  "I can't get you out of my head..." sang Kylie and I felt the same now.  I stopped reading any written material:  I could now only see letters where I had been able to see words and meanings before.  I caught myself giving the same treatment to any verbal expressions too, converting them to letters,  and then, not unlike mathematics, making mental shortcuts and logical bridges between them:  "See You tomorrow" work-mates would say to me every day. "CU2morrow" I heard, or rather saw.  It was only when I had spent the whole weekend in desperate attempts to convert "morrow" to something visually more meaningful that I realised that I had to stop, that I just could not afford to be indiscriminate towards any growth, particularly when my sanity was at a stake.  I had to accept my failure in order to become liberated from it.

Eadon was not around so I could not offload the frustrations he created in my life on him: he might have been mad - but he wasn't stupid.  I needed an antidote; I needed somehow to terminate this terrible monster which was growing inside my head.  And what is the better antidote than the offending substance itself?  "If you can't beat them, join them" a  famous proverb says.  Slavs came up with a practical interpretation of it: "Alcohol is your enemy - shoot it in the gob".  I began to feel relieved,  I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.  It became obvious to me that since I could not discuss Eadon's stupidity with him  I simply had to visit this "I see C" church myself.  I could already feel the embarrassment and sense of compassion towards people who would go as far as creating an  entirely new spiritual movement in order to worship some madman's moment of pathetic mis-inspiration. 
 
artist: moton 3
I could not offload the frustrations he created in my life on him...



So here I was, facing the very house and my very fears and discomfort, my excitement and the  hopes  of my final liberation. The chimney stuck out as an erect penis, trying to remind me of my short-comings.  The door was loosely arranged around its frame, resting heavily on its last remaining hinge. The contrast between the proud, orderly and somehow sexually explicit posture of the chimney and laid back, 'could not care less' attitude of the point of entry felt somehow humiliating and threatening.  It had 'this is the story of your life' written all over it.  It tempted me  with the promise of all the pain, suffering, failure and internal conflicts of which I was already so familiar.  Careful and deliberate rejection could be felt in the air.
I rang the doorbell.
 
artist: moton 4
I rang the doorbell



The bell buzzed instead of ringing.  This wasn't what I expected.  I bolted and was just about to perform "run Rabbit run run run" routine, when the door opened with a terrifying "shhooom!" sound effect. I was in!
 
artist: moton 5
I was in...



I was immediately blinded by the spotlight, or rather it's opposite.  I could see a lot of people but nobody could see me, or if they did, they certainly made it known that my presence  was not noticeable.  My hurt and scared Ego immediately switched to "fight or fly" mode.   My flying skills lacked quite a bit at the time, so going for a fight was the only choice that  I felt Evolution would approve of: 
"Hi Everyone!" 
I said.
 
artist: moton 6
My flying skills lacked a bit...



This place was definitely weird, weirder than Eadon himself.  It looked small and insignificant on the outside, but infinitely limitless inside.  There were thousands of people here, and yet I could not see a single soul.  There were hundred of rooms, corridors, bars, toilets and yet I could not even see my own surroundings. I wasn't quite sure how to behave and what was expected of me.   I seriously doubted that anybody here had any expectations of me - however unexpected. 
 

Words, strong feelings, images - they were all swarming, swirling around me. I was watching my own mind, but from inside.  This was overpowering and making me dizzy.  The never ending stream of nonsensical statements, fragmented sentences, feelings which haven't manifested themselves yet, emotions which desperately tried to find some outlet.   The muddy, turbulent waters of human consciousness, coming and going with a rhythm which was natural and yet totally unpredictable. 
 
artist: moton 7
Words, strong feelings, images



"So you have finally made it! Welcome to the Club! Welcome to Hell!" Eadon's words appeared in my mind. 
"What the hell is this place?" I shouted back to him
"HAHAHAHA!  It is just that!  Hell!  Global consciousness!  Ugly business! HAHAHAHAHA!" he shouted back.
"But how, why..." I had so many questions to ask that I could not think of any.
"Take it easy Brother!" he seemed to be in a cheerful mood "You have a lot to learn - take it easy!" 
I took few deep breaths in.  "Why am I here?"
"We have a lot to chat about as You will discover later" Eadon was unusually patient "But let's say that you have been given an unique opportunity to observe your very own mind.  To witness how your silly ideas and confused emotions are born.  To examine the source of your own stupidity and suffering.  In action! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I have to go now, I will chat to you later!" 
Chat?  Eadon never chatted to me, as far as I can remember.  Shouting, screaming at me perhaps, but chat?  Where did he pick this new terminology from? 'Brother'? Has he become a hippie?
 

I was yet to find out that in this Particular Church (or 'Club' as Eadon called it) humans did not discriminate.
In this particular Church people would misspell, mispronounce and misinterpret words and others' emotions as if there was no difference, as if they were just dirty underpants, full of skidding marks and visible signs of indigestion, hidden at the bottom of the laundry basket and shamelessly exposed to fluorescent light.
In this particular church humans would be so humane and compassionate as to go out of their way to expose the challenges the God prepared for one in one's next life.
 
artist: moton 8
In this particular Church humans did not disciminate...



I found myself addicted straight away.  This was worse than crack! This was, despite the fact that I had never tried crack in my life before and, quite obviously,  never after, at least  as far as my limited knowledge of my own existence and habitual addictions stretches.  The spotlights of ignorance dimmed and gradually vanished.  "Hello" somebody else said.  "Welcome" another voice rang what the doorbell failed to conceive, acknowledge or perhaps relay?
 
artist: moton 9



The overwhelming feeling that I am at 'home' nearly paralysed me. I joined the flow.  I suddenly found myself being a 'dick', 'fuckwit', 'idiot', 'stupid bastard', and many many other personalities I always wished to explore but never found time for. 
"Haha I got newbie written all over me" exclaimed Sonhouse humbly or perhaps proudly before I could even follow my very own train of thought.  This station surely was a busy traffic congestion facility.

Every church, be it Christian, Catholic, Buddhist or Islam, has it's own rules and timetables.  The topics are prepared in advance, the times for revelations set carefully, gongs and bells go off at predictable times.  But this place did not have any set rules, any time-related events. The mass was going on for 24 hours a day, or did not take place at all - it was impossible to tell and therefore subject to one's own judgement. 
"Knightrunner takes out his special afternoon menu featuring legendary White Mocha, LadyofKnight Vanilla Ice Cream., autobot cappuccino, Mocha with a Quote,  Snowbeary Shake,Toto's Munchkin cookies, Boggleburgers,Heavenly EYES icecream,Cinderella Truffles & Ged's finest Havana cigars!" came the announcement from PR speakers.  'What the hell ...' was the only thought I could manage and before I resisted it, it unfolded itself: 'What the hell is going on here?!" my mind screamingly demanded. 'So much for my open-mindness' I thought.

 



I sulked. I was on my knees most of the time without even realising it.  I was cruel and outrageous.  I discovered that I could push boundaries of my own self in order to please others. I begged.  I cried.  I crawled.  So far in my life my Ego was in balance, in line, with my own surroundings.  But here, in this place, nobody would give as much as a monkey's bottom about my Ego.  It did not exist as far as others were concerned.  That generally is supposed to be liberating but I had no idea how much of my Ego was actually 'me'.  I was exposed, ripped to pieces, forced to realise that I am nothing but Ego and nobody had time for that.  I felt lonely and rejected.  I was cursing Eadon for exposing me to this challenge.  I did not see any point in this sadomasochism but the very gentle, quiet voice at the back of my mind insisted that there is nothing painful about the situation, that I, myself, make it so.  'Bloody Eadon and his bloody stupid ideas' was my desperate cry, but I could not cheat myself anymore.  What was happening had nothing to do with Eadon and I had to bravely admit it. "Bloody Eadon!" I desperately screamed.
 
artist: moton 10
I was cruel and outrageous...



I found myself in a state of bereavement.  Some parts of me were dying rapidly, some had already ceased to exist.  Was that 'good' or 'bad'?  I never found out, for the 24 hour streaming consciousness was damping more information, more coded spiritual messages on me. 'What the hell is going on here?' was my automatic, repetitive reaction, but I had learnt not to submit to it, not to follow it further, in logical terms at least.  I never had time for analysis anymore anyway anytime. I figured that as long as I kept asking such questions I could claim or at least pretend, appear, to be 'open-minded'.  Answering them would shut me down, would prove to others how limited I am.  But who was I?  Who were "the others"?  Who were "they"?   The questions seemed to multiply themselves like a stoned rabbits with a bad case the sexually-maddening munchies, but why did I have to suffer suffering of some sex-crazy, full of disease animals?
 
artist: moton 11
I found myself in a state of bereavement



Isolani was my saviour.  He arrived out of the blue, white beard and all the rest, saddled on a huge, pot-bellied pig.  He wore "sombrero" hat that reminded me of sobriety I always so unsuccessfully strived for.  His name was noble.  His dress saintly white.  "Hola Amigo!" he would shout like a good cowboy or Native American or perhaps somebody from Portugal?  I immediately felt a spiritual connection.  "Was it a pig, isolani, or an impressive hat?" I wondered "or perhaps the colourful accent?".  I did not know.  But I sensed that I should not examine the connection itself, as one does not follow the telephone cables.  I internally knew that the moment I start to ask questions and look for explanations - I would destroy all that always linked us, despite that we were not aware of each other's existence ever before and possibly ever after.  Isolani exposed illusion to me.  He would often appear from nowhere, kindly extend his hand to me in a friendly gesture, and before I knew it - I would find myself sitting on his pig - in front of him.  And then we would trot, yes, trot, from one room to the next.  He would always be what was needed, what was expected of him to be.  Like a drop of a rain in a river - he would simply vanish in the mainstream, giving it strength and power but never identity. "If all guns were outlawed, only outlaws would use guns!" was his favourite joke. It took years of mental effort for wisdom contained in this simple statement to sink into my stupid, rotten brain.
 

"Have you made friends with anybody yet?" Eadon asked me 2 days later. 
"Yes, isolani was kind enough to talk to me and show me around, you bastard!  Where were you?"
"Oh, iso - the walking dictionary you mean, hehehehe" his sense of humour started to seriously get on my nerves - "wait till you meet MadPole lol! I have a feeling that 3 of you will hit it off really well" he said and vanished.

So I did meet MadPole, few hours later.  He was pure bonkers, a proud citizen of cookoo land.  He did fit into the place well, spitting, vomiting, throwing up any words which came to his disturbed mind.  The concepts of thinking, reasoning, deliberation were obviously some kind of black magic to him, some bad demons he had to fight and constantly expell from his sick mind.  It was sad and disturbing scene to watch him in action.  He made an impression of a man who suffered from 'thought-phobia', 'mental bulimia' - desperately trying to push out any thought from his head before it had even arisen, as if the thoughts he manifested were no longer his responsibility.  "Don't be frighten...welcome...yes...even if...well....please" he said to me when we met first time.
 
artist: moton 12
That was probably the most sensible thing he ever said...



That was probably the most sensible thing he ever said to me. Still, he wasn't dangerous and it was amusing to play with him:
"Apple" I would say
"Orange" he would immediately reply
"Yellow!" I would yell
"Bus" he would shout without any hesitation "Make it two!" he would add, as if pretending that there was some thought process behind his senseless stream of words. 


Little Madhouse on the Prairie (continued...)





The whole experience was gathering the tempo, momentum.  I could no longer tell what was reality and what wasn't, my visits to the "I see C" church have become so frequent, I was no longer in position to distinguish between it and my "real life".  I noticed that I perceived every activity, every moment, every emotion, thought or feeling I had - through the prism of Church's teachings.  I noticed that I started to notice, notice my thoughts and perceptions, notice their birth, witness their moment of creation.  It was pure madness and hence addictive as hell.  My business relationships with business people were improving every single day and it was the very Church, which was the reason for that.  The Church gave me strength of conviction.  The Church forced me to see and accept the views of others, to get out of my protective suit and be prepared and ready to embrace any statement, any idea, any emotion, any ego driven mindlessness.  That was a winning formula in business world and the fact that I could not share it with anybody I found very frustrating.  I tried to tell the Church members how grateful I was and how much they changed my life, but they were far too busy with their words, feelings, general spinning madness of consciousness humming quietly, to ever take any notice.  Admitting to my business partners and bosses the real reason for my sudden success was obviously out of the question.
 
artist: moton 13
The whole experience was gathering momentum...



So I cried some more, not from the pain but from shire frustration and the fact that those, who helped me so much, who were the source, the very makeup of me - were denied this knowledge, never mind rewards and payment back, hehehe.  Why, I even started to giggle like Eadon - it suddenly occurred to me that I am not even Church's follower - I became its faithful devout!
Even Eadon's mad "hehehe" found its way into my private and business life, and did wonders beyond my wildest dreams.  "We have Emergency problem here" people I did not even know would call me at work "it is a total disaster. We have to do something about it and quick!" 
"Hehehe" I would reply "let me have a look then..."
"hehehe" became my habitual habit, my second, and later my first nature.  "My boyfriend bastard left me", "My house had burned down", "My life is total disaster and I think the whole world will benefit if I terminate it now"  - we all come across such situations, trying to help with burden of others and feeling desperate failure - for we find ourselves not only unable to help, but also unable to admit it, even to ourselves, creating even more uneasiness and discomfort for the desperate sufferer.
 

"hehehe" principle became my guiding star.  The simple way of accessing my ability to be useful in the situation requiring my reaction.  For if I could not laugh at whatever was suddenly thrown at me, then I was of no help, no use, I would just become burden and make situation much worse by contributing my own discomforts and fears, my very own guilt and sufferings.  And so I would simply walk away, defeated perhaps, frustrated that I cannot do anything, frustrated with my limitations and raving mad that world is so cruel, swearing at God and all Universal Love.  But at least I would not hurt, would not make the situation worse by trying to do what I was incapable of doing, hehehe.  It became my secret wish and solid conviction that Eadon would form "hehehe" Church next.  hehehe.
 
artist: moton 14
"hehehe" principle became my guiding star...



A lot of things happened during that time and after - and nothing happened at all.  "What time anyway?!!" I found myself asking. I somehow discovered that my sense of time, my sense of continuity, sequential events taking place one after another was no longer rigid or valid.  The past was no longer set, no longer frozen.  My past kept changing, shifting, shuffling, and since my past involved other people, was their past changing too?
"A couple of years ago it seemed always to be a madhouse" DrStrangelove once said out of the blue, a teasing statement addressed towards general public.
"I know what you mean mate!" I nearly replied but my logical facilities informed me kindly that I wasn't 'here' couple of years before.
 
artist: moton 15
A lot of things happened during that time..



I met a lot of creatures, individuals, freely flying spirits.  I encountered a lot of emotions, detached egos bouncing up and down, desperately searching for a form of expression.  The bear like figure, wearing huge rain-deer horns and smoking Havana cigars was very popular in one of the temples.  I was scared to approach it, I gathered he was a high-priest of the Church, the spirit which has finished its evolution before I even stared mine.  But one day he approached me, I will never forget that moment:
"WALE, LOKEE HEEA, EH? WAY I FIGGAZ...SAY WHAT BE DAT SOUN?" he said kindly to me and I was overwhelmed with emotions, which yet again could not find any outlet.
"Dadaduffa!" was all I could nonsensically mutter.
 
artist: moton 16



We had few lovely conversations since.  I could never understand what he was saying, and I felt that this particular duffa-culty is mutual.  But somehow it was not difficulty anymore, somehow the words weren't important any longer, they did not matter one bit.  I felt being elevated to the next level of the "Space Invaders" game, the words themselves were just means of transport, on the same principle the food is transport for energy and air is transport for speech. 

More contradictions suddenly made perfect sense to me, and I was scared, I was trying to desperately hang to the last remaining leftovers of sanity in me.  I could see my head exploding into all tiny bits, my whole existence shattering as if I was made of glass which was suddenly hit by a big demolition hammer.

My head was spinning. My mind was aroused, all the time, heightened, suddenly full of memories of other people, failed loves, family members, friends who were still my friends and yet I was afraid, scared of meeting them. 
 
artist: moton 17
My head was spinning...



People, whose existence felt heavy on me, luggage I did not wish to carry - yet I could never find courage to eliminate from my life, for it somehow felt important to me.  People I loved because I hated them and people I hated because I loved them.  So what did I fear?  What was I concerned about?  All the emotions, which I was uncomfortable with? Scared even?  I always proclaimed myself to be a "compassionate and passionate person".  So why was I so afraid, so embarrassed of my very compassion and passion?  Was I a fake, a fraud, an emotional diplomat?

"We seek the Truth" Jesus looking like guy announced to me one day.
 
artist: moton 18



He, like isolani, wore white robes, his hands gathered in praying gesture as if they were glued to each other.  He had monetary dollar sign visibly embedded on his forehead, and it was obvious that he could never see it himself, no matter how many times he looked in the mirror.  That was too much for me, I could not accommodate any more of this nonsense, this Universal Truth, with its ugly deception all mixed together.  It was too much like my own image of myself. Which, admittedly, I was not ready to accept it yet.
 


Surely this was a warning sign for me.  I was on the edge and I did not know what was going to happen if I jumped over it.  At least people jumping from high-rise buildings, jumping from planes without parachute, taking good measure of arsenic to make sure that Ambulance and Emergency services will not be disrupted by their sudden and planned death- at least those people did know what they were doing, were somehow responsible for their actions, or at least were considerate towards the wanting-to-live population and real emergency calls.  But jumping from "I see C" platform seemed like no jump at all, merely jumping from one square to the next on the school-ground during the long dinner break.


Perhaps humanity always wins against human emotions. Perhaps opposite is true.  I never found out.  There was sudden rush.  "Quickly Everyone! Into the Tardis!" Some good looking, romantically dressed soul shouted! 
 
artist: moton 19



I heard desperate cries and heavy shells of spam randomly exploding around us.  It was miracle that there were no casualties so far, but it was just a matter of time before somebody would blow up their circuits.  The source of this vicious attack stood prodoudly on the balcony, armed with heavy duty double barrelled Spam-o-Matic. 
 
artist: moton 20



There was general sense of panic and confusion., shouting and screeming.  Some of us span around, like a dog chasing its tail.  Some found the moment highly ecstatic.
 


Everybody just run, run for it, all their words, strong beliefs, sexual declarations became invalid... they found their own way now...the way of stampeding animals and they did not have time to share it with others....
 


JesusLives arrived just in time to save us all:  "No Wait! It's a trap!" he slowly and patiently articulated.
artist: moton 21



But it was too late... 
 
artist: moton 22
 
THE END




Jim adds: For a mildly irreverent critique on this and other stories please click here
 
Credit: the cartoons used in Madpole's story are by Moton.




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